Words of Wisdom: Let it Be

What comes up for you when you hear the old saying “live and let live”?

Does it have a tangible meaning in your mind as an action step? Or is it just an empty concept? 

Today I found an opportunity to practice this somewhat difficult yet simplistic phrase. 

Right now I am outside at a Starbucks cafe. The person next to me is talking on speaker phone, loudly.  It’s warm and pleasant outside as I enjoy the light breeze. 

Right now I am outside at a Starbucks cafe. It’s warm and pleasant outside as I enjoy the light breeze. 

And the person next to me is talking on speaker phone, loudly. 

I am struggling with regulating my emotions. I feel frustrated and I want to tell them to put on some headphones so I don’t have to listen to both sides of a phone call . The conversation is in another language so the topic is not interrupting my thinking. It’s the volume and tone of the phone that is irritating me and  I really don’t want to hear it.  My headphones are on with the music up  quite high in an attempt to block out the loud talking. 

My inside critic really wants to tell the person next to me that they are being rude by having their phone on speaker.

My inner zen is asking, “If that conversation was happening live instead of on the phone, would it bother me as much?”

Hmm, I’m not sure. Probably not, unless they were being really loud, which the phone convo is. And the tone of the cell phone speaker is grating versus having both voices speaking naturally.

Writing this out is helping me to process the whole thing instead of ruminating about it.

How many times do we keep looping our angry thoughts? If I wasn’t already attempting to write, I would have just kept being annoyed and focusing on how I think it’s rude. Being in the flow of typing is allowing me to work through alternative thoughts like the one above: the inner zen thought. I don’t think I would have considered  or allowed that thought to come to the surface for me to explore if I hadn’t been in a flow state. 

 The Healing Forest Ambient music I have playing on my headphones is assisting me in raising my negative frequency from annoyance to tolerance. The soothing tones are helping direct my mind to a place of inward peace instead of focusing on the conversation.

Where have you had these bumps in the road of allowing folks to live their lives without your opinions about their actions getting in your way? Are you able to be present in the moment and find a small window of compassion? Using music is just one way to shift that often automatic annoyed response.

Take this as an invitation. I’m inviting you along as I’m working on training my brain and nervous system to stay calm, stay regulated and to respond by thinking “good for them” and then moving along. Trust me, this is not easy at first and I am far from perfect, I still get annoyed at times. It seems like a worthy endeavor to work towards being unbothered by the little things though, don’t you think?  

Another way this hurdle was brought to my attention was on my recent road trip. I pass through northwestern Indiana on my way to the Chicagoland area.

If you’ve been on I-65 or many highways in rural America know there are often large two-sided signs in privately owned fields that pronounce the reality of two things: hell and Jesus. 

Here I find myself again, with my emotions coming up, dysregulated and mildly triggered by someone’s need to scare me into their choice of religion. I verbalized my reaction to the signs and my husband pointed out that my reaction wouldn’t be helpful. It made me consider what I think about those topics. I have great respect for people’s right to choose their religious beliefs or lack thereof. This is an example of live and let live in my life and being forced into anything for fear of going to hell is the opposite. BUT I am glad this contradiction in my thinking was shown to me. Now I can work on lowering the force of my negative reaction and instead choose to let it be. 

Where else do you notice your own struggle to let others live their lives without our interference? Is the way someone speaks, dresses or presents themselves truly a reason to be bothered? Our minds have an inner critic, a judge that loves giving commentary. I believe that this critic robs us of some of our daily peace. It can get us all riled up about things that don’t have any effect on us directly. My purpose in this blog is to help you invite more peace into your life, to practice taking the wheel when our inner critic wants to dial up our nervous system. We have enough of that in our own day to day , we don’t need the stress of random folks just living their lives.  

Learning to see from another perspective is an ongoing skill to grow. Widening our focus or incorporating new views into our lens is part of evolving into kinder humans. 

If I had remained focused on my indignation alone, I would be really miserable right now.

Instead, while my irritation is still in the background of my brain and experience, I am able to allow these words to come through, feel the breeze on my skin and appreciate that I am able to sit outside on this beautiful day. I am able to breathe and type, blink and enjoy the view and the melody of the music in my headphones. I can appreciate that this uncomfortable experience has provided a topic for this blog. ( I was struggling through another topic. I mean, look at all that has come up!! Thank you person next to me!!) 

And AH! They have left! My nervous system has instantly regulated to a level of content and relief. A good reminder that nothing is permanent and  something to remember in the moment. “Breathe in, breathe out, it’ll be over soon,” I’ll tell myself next time.

So, another random thought: all those things that irritate us and toss us into being dysregulated are there for us to experience as gifts. The person that was on the phone was here to show me my own limited thinking and inability to regulate my nervous system. They gave me this whole topic to explore and write about. It allowed me to consider options on how to handle the situation. I could have returned to the frigid air conditioning of the cafe or I could have packed up my stuff and gone somewhere else. There were choices available. Since I was at this particular place at this particular time to see my daughter and write, I chose what worked best for me at the moment.  

I am glad I have this new perspective: when a stranger is on their speaker phone I can consider if I would find it as upsetting if both of the folks were in person having the same conversation.  Each situation will be a different experience I am sure, but maybe this new thought can be available and I can play with it. 

Where can you make space in your life to simply live and let others live too?

If this seems to be a recurring theme where your mind keeps going toward “the judgment zone” or you find yourself frequently irritated and stressed out, it could be emotions that are trapped in your tissues. To coin another phrase “the issues are in the tissues” and sometimes unreleased anger is the grief we haven’t acknowledged. Grief for our own losses, small and large and for the world as a whole. Whew, we went deep there! What I offer through my bodywork modality Myofascial Release (MFR) is a chance to gently, yet deeply reach those places we have stored those emotions and tension. To find out more, book a session or a Q&A through a Discovery call, today!