Soothe Yourself

I was having one of those days. Disgruntled with life. Now, this is the perspective of a white woman who benefits from white privilege. In the big picture of things do I really have anything to complain about for myself? No. Is what I’m going to share here going to save the world? No. 

But perhaps there is something of value you might be able to use. So that is why I’m sharing.

When I have those feelings of “things aren’t how I’d really like them to be”, I tend to deal with it by trying to control SOMETHING in my environment. This illusion of control can  regulate my nervous system so I am not feeling so jagged.

I tried several things. I turned on some music to move, emote, dance and bring confidence to my body. I also cleaned my bathroom.

However, before I took these actions I claimed my emotions out-loud: “I’m going to clean the bathroom because I need to feel like I’m in control of something and I want to experience a divine, clean space to be in. I want to feel like a million bucks and having a spotless shining bathroom is going to help me feel that way.” 

That might seem weird to you, but for me, claiming why I was about to take those actions helped to settle my nervous system and gave me a reason to do an excellent job of cleaning my bathroom. I want to experience that luxury of a lovingly clean space. 

So I cleaned. I danced, grooved, moved and kicked ( INXS “Kick.”)  My bathroom was clean, but the emotions of lack and discontentment lingered. My inner self had something to say and instead of rushing around finding something else to throw this restless energy into, I chose stillness. 

I grabbed my favorite blanket, tossed it into my now clean tub, shut the bathroom door, turned off the lights and cuddled into my blanket in the darkness. I wrapped myself in, let my head fall back on the pillow I brought with me and let my inner self have her say. 

I listened as my little younger self had the tantrum my current self wants to have. I acknowledged the validity of her emotions. I held her as I held the blanket around me. There were several inner selves that wanted to speak, and I let them. And yes, I most probably also dozed off. 

Am I “all better?” No.

But I AM feeling more grounded in myself. I am able to appreciate the good I already have going in my life than I was able to earlier in the day. I have regulated my nervous system so I’m not feeling disjointed. I soothed myself and in doing so, I’m a better human to be around for those that are around me.  

Why am I sharing this? I wanted to invite you to play with these ideas whenever you are feeling the same as I was: claim how you are feeling, take time to acknowledge your inner self and their emotions (those emotions are yours), validate yourself for feeling the way you feel, and maybe even take a nap.

Soothe yourself. You really are the only one who can.